So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
