Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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