i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
