I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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