My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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