The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
