THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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