oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
