she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
