hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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