Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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