Pappa wants mamma naked
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
