remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
