I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
