awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
