i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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