Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
