She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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