I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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