I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
