So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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