Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
