can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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