i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
