Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
