had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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