i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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