perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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