I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
