Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
