somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
