Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
