Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
FUCK WHALES
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
