she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
