how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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