i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
