Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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