So drunk its hurt
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
