I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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