i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
