I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
