I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Are we still banned from the library?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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