just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
