Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
