Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
