he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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