Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
high people should be assigned attendants
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
