i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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