I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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