If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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