Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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