im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
