he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
