i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
