There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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