I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
