I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
