I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
