"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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