Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
