Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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