You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
